Wedding For Three
by NeverForgetThisPen
Summary: A sequel to my story, The Family Talk, The Cullens, Hales, and Bella have decided to have a triple wedding together after sitting through a sex ed talk from Carlisle and Esme. What kind of whacky things can happen? Only time will tell...
1. Jail Birds

_Disclaimer: I do not, and will never own these characters._

_AN: After seeing all of the positive feedback, and excitement for the first chapter of this story, I decided to get to work on it right away. Now, this may not make sense to those who have not read The Family Talk, because this is the sequel to that. Anyway, hope you all enjoy this story as much as you did the last._

_Charlie's POV_

I never could tell you why I decided to become police chief. Maybe it was because I figured since I couldn't take care of my little girl; I could help take care of everyone else's. That all changed though when my little Bella decided to move up here to Washington with me. I didn't let myself believe it until I saw her walk off that plane. Since then, my life has been far from the ordinary, boring life it once was. She sure did know how to make friends –I'll give her that much.

_She's with the Cullens today, she'll be alright._ I tried telling myself as I left the house and headed towards my cruiser parked in the driveway. The problem was, Bella always managed to find ways to hurt herself when she was with them. She had definitely inherited my graceful demeanor. The ride through town was the same everyday. Wave to nosey old Mrs. Stanley, as she watched from the bank window. Then, tip my hat to Mr. Mallory who watered his grass even on rainy days, but with a wife as harpy as his, I would do anything to get out of the house too.

As I pulled into the police station, I assumed that it was going to be a normal day, a normal, boring day. That is, until I walked in the doors.

"Emmett! Stop touching me!"

"I'm not touching you… that's Jasper!"

"Jasp-"

"Edward, how could I touch you I'm on the other side of Emmett!"

"Someone better stop touching me!"

I took my hat off of my head, and wiped the sweat already forming at my brow. I didn't even want to think about who those three voices were behind the lobby. _Please let there be some strange group of murderous hitchhikers who just happen to have those boys' names. _I tried to ignore the voices. Since I didn't bring them in –they were not my prisoners. Though, part of me wondered why they were in here… maybe it would be enough so that I could forbid Bella from talking to Edward…

"Chief! There are three boys back there who say they want to talk to-"

"Is there any coffee made Ilene?" I asked walking swiftly past her to the empty coffee pot.

"Hey! I think I heard Bella's dad! Charlie!"

"Shut up Emmett!"

"Charlie!"

"Do we have any decaf left?" I asked the secretary. She was looking from me, to the wall behind her where the voices were coming from. Probably wondering if she was old enough to be going senile yet, because I was ignoring the voices that she could clearly hear.

"Um- I believe it's behind the foam cups, Chief Swan."

"See! The batty old woman said Swan, Edward! It _is_ Bella's dad! Charrrllliiieeee!"

"Any cream left?"

"Chief, can't you hear the-"

I pointed to my ears in a desperate attempt, "I can't hear anything… I have my earphones in!"

"I don't see any ear phones…" She was eyeing me like an old buzzard. Emmett was right –she is batty. No! That is not Emmett Cullen back there. It is a murderous hitchhiker.

"They're wireless," I pointed out.

"Oh…" I watched as she went back to her knitting behind the large desk. The ancient coffee pot was beginning to make its gurgling noises of doom, so that meant the coffee would be done in precisely five minutes, after that –I would have to find another reason to stay out of that room.

"Charrliieee! I know you can hear me! Ow! Stop it Edward! Charlie, if you don't let me out of here, you're going to have to file murder charge on me as well!" _Hmm… If I give him a few more minutes, maybe he'll take care of Edward for me… _

"Chief Swan!" I turned around to find Bill, my sergeant; coming around the corner looking like he had been babysitting demons all day. "You better get back here; the big one with dark hair is climbing the bars of the cell."

"God damn it Emmett!" I yelled stomping around the corner. Sure enough, Emmett was climbing the bars of the cell they were in, and for some ungodly reason, Bill had handcuffed them all together, so Edward and Jasper were dangling just a few inches above the floor.

"Hi Charlie!" Emmett said cheerfully, letting go of the bars and landing gracefully on his feet. Not as much could be said for Edward and Jasper, who didn't expect him to let go, and were now pushing themselves up from the cement floor.

"I knew it was you! I told them, 'Charlie won't let us rot in jail,' well…maybe Edward, but not me ad Jasper."

"Will you shut up Emmett?" Edward said elbowing Emmett in the side.

"Hey! Police brutality!"

"I'm not a policeman, Emmett," Edward said boredly.

"Yeah… but we're in a police station… wait, that's not right is it?"

"Domestic violence," Bill said from behind me.

"Don't encourage him, Bill!" I said; ready to give Bill a taste of my own elbow.

"Domestic violence!" Emmett began yelling, "Can I write a report for that?"

"We are in jail Emmett. You can't write a report for anything," Jasper said.

"Well… when I'm out I can! I'll be a free bird!" Emmett said, lifting his arms into the air.

"More like a cuckoo bird…" Edward muttered.

"Might I ask you boys what you are doing in here?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. I had never in all my time, thought that Dr. Cullen's kids would wind up in here. They hardly ever even made a peep in this small town.

"Well, Charlie… it started out like this-"Emmett said.

"Emmett! Jasper! Edward!" I spun around just in time to see Dr. Cullen, still in his scrubs from the hospital, walking into the holding section of the station. Ilene must have let him in. I didn't know what it was about Dr. Carlisle Cullen, but he sure knew how to sweet talk the ladies. "One of you better explain to me why I am picking you up from jail –and I mean now!"

It surprised me to see Carlisle so angry. I had never seen the man frown, come to think of it. The boys looked afraid –no, maybe not afraid, more like ashamed, as if they knew that they had done wrong.

"Carlisle… we will –Chief Swan, can we get these cuffs off please? So we can explain properly?" Jasper asked politely. All of a sudden I felt a wave of calmness come over me, and I felt extremely peaceful.

"Knock it off Jasper!" Carlisle uttered.

"Aw, come on now Carlisle," I said, a bit astonished by the way he scolded Jasper, when he was being so polite to me, "The boy was being polite. Trust me, there have been quite a few other scoundrels in here who didn't call me Chief while they were cuffed.

Carlisle eyed Jasper while I took the cuffs off all of the boys. As I set them down I noticed that they had been bent a bit, like something hard had been wedged underneath them.

"Alright boys, explain," Carlisle demanded.

"Well I ruined Esme's rosebushes…"

"So we drove down to Newton's to get another one," Edward added in.

"Then some pudgy bastard started yelling at us!" Emmett said, "We thought we got away, but apparently he thought we had donuts…"

"And they showed up at the house…" Jasper sighed.

"You stole rosebush?! You mean to tell me that you're in jail because of a five dollar plant?!" Carlisle yelled.

"Well actually twenty dollars –we took four of them-"Emmett pointed out.

"Emmett that isn't helping our situation," Jasper muttered.

"Boys! I don't know what to do with you anymore! Charlie, is there anyway we can just lock them up forever?" Carlisle asked, running his fingers through his hair.

"Well, none of this would have happened if you wouldn't have pushed me through the window!" Emmett yelled.

"You pushed him out of the window Carlisle?!" I asked, surprised –shocked –blown away.

"Well… yes…" Carlisle said, looking as if he suddenly remembered that I was in the room. Emmett's eyes lit up. Like a light bulb flashed on in his head.

"Child abuse!"

"What?"

"Carlisle! That's child abuse! You pushed me out of an upstairs window! I know I can write a report up for that!" Emmett was rubbing his hands together, like an evil villain.

"You can't do that Emmett… He can't do that…Can he do that?" Carlisle asked, looking a bit nervous.

I thought about it for a moment, "Sorry Dr. Cullen, but if he wants to write a report up for child abuse, we might have to charge you… especially if he has witnesses."

"I saw it."

"Me, too."

"Sorry, Carlisle…" I said, picking up the handcuffs, "But you're going to have to stay here until we investigate this a little more."

"You're kidding me, right Charlie?" Carlisle asked, searching my eyes.

"I wish I was Dr. Cullen, but Emmett's right. Now can you please put your hands behind your back?" I asked, holding out the handcuffs.

"Boys I swear I'm going to-"

"Watch it Carlisle, anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law," Edward sniggered as the boys walked out of the station.

"Don't worry Carlisle… we'll get them back." I said, undoing the cuffs and pulling out a chair for Carlisle.

_Edwards POV_

I knew it was wrong to leave Carlisle back there… but as I walked up to the front door of the house, it bothered me less and less, especially since Alice's thoughts of wedding dresses and flowers were beginning to intrude my mind.

"Oh. God. No." I said when I realized what she was thinking about.

Emmett and Jasper turned to face me, questions forming on the lips of their mouths.

"We should go back and beg Charlie to lock us up. Now!"

"What?" Jasper asked, feeling the tension.

"The girl's are planning a wedding."

"Yeah, Alice and Jasper, we already knew that," Emmett said.

"No Emmett, all of ours. Two words: triple wedding," I said, rubbing the bridge of my nose with my fingers.

"Triple wedding… who else is getting married?" Emmett asked, flabbergasted.

"Alice. Jasper. Bella. Me. Rosalie. You. Triple wedding."

"We just got married! What? No! No, no, no, no!"

Then the voice of the devil filled the air. Alice.

"Boys! You're home! Come in we need to get measurements!"


	2. Emmett Can Read?

_Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or the book they are derived from. What I do own though is a shiny yellow Ford Focus named Alice. _

**AN: I know… it took forever for this chapter, but I wanted to make it perfect. Hope the length is okay too. A big thanks to my most loyal readers, who have followed with me from The Family Talk, you are all amazing. This chapter is dedicated to Dee, who is the most fabulous Rosalie, even though she is a leech.**

_Rosalie's POV_

"I think this wedding should be gold themed. You know, ivory dresses for us, gold ties for the boys, gold writing on the invitations, and a fountain that pours out that alcohol with the little gold flakes in it…" I said, watching as Alice poked at Emmett with her finger, attempting to get him to stand up straight. "It would really bring out our eyes, especially if we feed the day before."

"Rosalie? How long have you been thinking about that idea?" Jasper asked from the living room couch. He had already been fitted for his tux, and surprise, his measurements were exactly the same as they had been last time. In all honesty, I had no idea why Alice insisted on doing this every time one of us got married, but her excuse was always the same… "for the full effect."

"Since my last honeymoon," I admitted, looking down at my perfectly manicured fingernails.

"I knew your mind was on something else…" Emmett grumbled. I watched Alice jab him again, which was totally unnecessary, since he had just taken a jab in his pride.

"I paid attention to you during the important parts," I blurted out, looking up at him, with a very seductive smile, that I knew would rattle his mind for a little while, or at least long enough for Alice to finish up her measurements. She was like my sister, but still, I didn't like the idea of her being that close to Emmett's… manhood for longer than she had to be.

"So, have you guys decided when you're telling Charlie?" Jasper asked, taking the attention away from Emmett and I, and placing it on the shoulders of Bella and Edward. Sure enough, Bella blushed a good fifteen shades of red, before looking down at the engagement ring on her left finger. Edward watched her for a moment, probably expecting her to say something, but when she remained quiet, his mouth turned down and he looked over at Alice, a hopeful expression on his face.

"Don't even think about asking me Edward, you don't even know what you're going to say yet, which means I can't see anything. If you think you're going to have me tell you what to say, you're only joking yourself, because if I have to do it, you'll be running out of the Swan's house with Charlie chasing behind you with his police car," Alice said, never looking away from Emmett's ankle.

"We could tell Esme and Carlisle at the same time," Bella piped in. I noticed she was still watching her ring. Like the rock was going to disappear or something. God. If Emmett thought he was going to get away with me wearing the same old ring for another three years, while these two girls had shiny, new, skating rinks on their fingers, he had to be insane.

"Carlisle and Esme already know Bella….duh…" Emmett said. I noticed that he sounded quite proud of himself to think that he had outsmarted someone; too bad that information was about as obvious as hearing that zebras had stripes.

"I know that Emmett," Bella said, her tone sounding a bit put off that Emmett actually thought she was that stupid. _Actually…._ No. I would save that comment for another day, the wedding night maybe. "What I mean is that, we could pretend to Charlie and them together. For one, so he doesn't think he's the last to find out, and for two, so that he can see how calm they are, and he won't yell. He respects Carlisle and Esme, and he wouldn't want to make a fool out of himself in front of them."

All eyes went to Alice, and I have to admit, even I was a bit interested to see how that would work out. Alice sat very still for a moment, and if it weren't for the seriousness of the moment, I probably would have laughed, because the way she paused, to see her vision, had her face pointed directly at the crotch of Emmett's pants. Making it appear as if she were in awe by the sight of it. Then her eyes refocused again, and the smile on her face calmed us all.

"I suppose we should go tell Esme where Carlisle is then," Jasper said, his eyes dancing from Edward's face to Emmett's. That's when I noticed he wasn't with the boys. He had to have bailed them out, or they wouldn't be here.

"Where is Carlisle?" I asked Emmett, glaring into his face to let him know I meant business.

"Jail."

"What?!" Bella, Alice, and I all yelled. Each of our eyes rested on our significant other.

"He was getting cocky so we had him locked up!" Emmett said, his face already telling me that he was lying, as if the story didn't sound fictional enough.

"What really happened?" Bella asked her eyes as big as saucers. From what I could tell she was probably trying to figure out how on Earth her father let the boys go, locked Carlisle up, and what story they must of told him to get that kind of reaction out of him.

"When your dad heard that Carlisle pushed me out of a window last night, he put him behind bars." Emmett said, very matter of factly.

"Oh, golly, this can't be good," Bella said, putting her face in her hands. Edward rushed to her side, like the obedient, little puppy dog he was turning in to, and started rubbing her shoulders. Pathetic. I never had Emmett that whipped.

"Yes you do," Edward said suddenly. When I looked up, I noticed he was staring right at me.

"I'll go tell Esme!" Emmett said climbing down from the stool Alice had him perched on. The sound of ripping fabric echoed in the room, and Alice's face fell. About the same moment, Emmett started turning in circles, looking over his own shoulder, trying to see which part of the tux he had ruined. After a few turns, Alice grabbed his leg, and tried to put him back next to the stool.

"No! Alice, you can leave it like that," Emmett said, grabbing the giant hole that had once been the seam right over his butt, "I like a healthy breeze around my privates, thanks."

"Not again…" Edward groaned.

"What?" Emmett yelled loudly.

"I can't go through this again Emmett; I can't go another three months of you using quotes from that book!" Edward said shaking his head. You see, every once in awhile, Emmett goes on these kicks where all he does is use quotes from the Harry Potter series. Usually it only lasts about a week or so, but after the last one came out, it was non stop for three months. I never again want to see Emmett wrapped up around a pillow, hugging it because some owl died or some elf gets stabbed. To be honest, I didn't see the point in those books. I watched the movies when Emmett bought them, because I really had a thing for that Snape guy, but other than that… blah.

"But they're good! Like Dumbledore said, 'Death is but the next great adventure'… and look at us. We're sort of dead, and we have all kinds of adventures."

"We only let you keep those books because Esme says we should be nice, until they came out, we weren't even sure you could read," Edward said smirking.

"You never know, Edward. They could be real. There are vampires and werewolves in those stories, and we know that those are real. Maybe somewhere out there, there are wizards." Emmett said, looking hopeful.

"Emmett, with that kind of logic, I don't know how you ever got your doctorate in Psychology."

"You're just mad because your girlfriend is a muggle!" Emmett said, before he started laughing at a joke nobody understood. Trust me, it wasn't one of those, you had to be there kind of things… it was more like, you have to be that kind of crazy to get it kind of things.

"I'm a what?" Bella asked.

"Forget it Bella…" I said, shaking my head.

"I'm going to go talk to Esme… so you just sit here and think about it…" Emmett said before walking off towards Carlisle and Esme's bedroom upstairs. We all sat there for a moment, in silence.

"Rosalie… your husband is a-"

"Yeah- shut it, Alice. I know," I said, running my fingers through my hair. What on Earth was I going to do with the guy? He was absolutely crazy. I saw Bella still trying to figure out what exactly Emmett had called her, and Edward was trying to explain he had just called her a human. Then we heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

"I can't believe you boys! Totally Insane! What were you thinking –Oh! Yes! You probably weren't thinking, you've been getting very good at that lately!" Esme rambled, grabbing her car keys, and heading out the door.

"Oh! Shoot, I forgot to tell her to bring Charlie back here too! I'll be back!" Alice yelled, springing up and running out the door that Esme had left wide open.

"Well, Edward, Bella, you better figure out what you're going to say. I'm going to find my husband." I said leaving the couple still sitting, and walking up the stairs. When I walked into the bedroom I shared with Emmett, I wanted to turn around and pretend I had never been in there. He was digging through our closet, but it was what he was wearing that caught me off guard. In the few short seconds of alone time he had, he managed to find the Harry Potter Halloween costume he had worn the last three years. Glasses, wand, and the whole shebang. Utterly ridiculous. Without saying a word, I just walked towards our bed, and sat down. My eyes glanced over to the chalkboard that was sitting in the middle of the room –still filled with diagrams from Emmett's show and tell.

"You know Rosie, If we got you a Gryffindor robe, and a red wig… we could turn this into a very adventurous night of wizard sex." Emmett said, poking his head out of the closet and pointing at me with his "Official Harry Potter Wand" replica.

"Oh please, Emmett," I said rolling my eyes at the little pervert. He disappeared in the closet again, then I heard an "Ah ha!" from the inside. Emmett came out with a broom in hand. He had made the damn thing in woodshop class our junior year. It was almost exactly the same as the ones used in the movie, but Emmett had etched his name into the side of it. I'll never forget the day he stood on the top of our roof, claiming that he was going to fly. Yeah… we watched him fly straight into the dirt.

"Rosie… you never want to play anymore…" Emmett said dropping the broom, and taking the glasses off of his face. He sat right next to me, nuzzling my neck just enough to make me giggle. I had just heard his play growl, when he flipped me onto my back and crawled on top of me.

"Rosalie? Emmett?"

Damn it. Leave it to Bella. If she wasn't getting some –none of us were.

"We're kind of busy…" Emmett said, looking over at the door.

"I was wondering if you could help us, you know when Charlie and Carlisle get back." She obviously didn't tae the hint.

"Well, get in here then," I groaned, rolling Emmett off of me. Slowly, I watched the door open, and saw Bella standing timidly outside. She took one look around the room, eyes glancing at the chalkboard –she blushed again, then her eyes stopped on Emmett, still in his Harry costume.

"What do you need, Bells?" Emmett asked sitting up and hanging his legs off the end of our silver framed bed.

Gradually, she walked inside, her face looking more afraid with each step she took. _Silly humans, always frightened of things that are so simple._

"Well, I was hoping… that maybe when Charlie, Esme, and Carlisle got back, and we tell them about… the… the wedding, that maybe, you, Rose, could pretend you're unhappy about it."

"I _am_ unhappy about it, there's no need for pretending there," I said, sharply.

"Well, what I meant was, when Edward and I tell Charlie, I was wondering if you would make a scene about it all. That way, Charlie will get defensive, and, hopefully, not freak out too much."

"So you want me to make a fool of myself, in my own home, in front of my family?"

"No- that's not what I-"

"You want me to be a pawn in your little game? I'm sorry Bella, but I, Rosalie Lillian Hale am not going to do it, I'm sorry- not possible."

"No- I didn't think you would-"

"Leave my room."

"What? Rosalie! Please-"

"Bella. I am not very happy with you at the moment. Leave my room."

I watched Bella turn around and leave the bedroom, tears forming in her eyes. Too bad though. It was completely absurd of her to even think for a moment I would act so outrageously. I mean sure… there are times when I have been known to let my temper get away from me, but that was a long time ago, and they deserved it.

"You know that isn't what she meant Rosie."

"I don't care, and if you want, you can leave too." I crossed my arms, and turned to face the window. The footsteps walking away from me told me Emmett did leave the room. I heard a car pulling into the driveway, and stood, walking over to the window. It was Carlisle, Esme, and Charlie. How perfect.

I walked out of my room and made it down the steps just as they were all sitting down. Charlie's expression was more curious than anything, and I had half of a mind to just come out and tell him why he was here. That would serve Bella right, but Edward would probably try to kill me.

"Charlie," Edward started, "We asked you here today because we wanted to tell you, Carlisle, and Esme something."

"And, ah, what is that Edward?" His eyes roamed around the room, stopping on each one of us.

"We, and by we, I mean Bella and I, have decided to get married."

Awkward silence…

"You're what?"

"Married. Getting married, Dad."

"Like… husband and wife married?" Surprisingly, Charlie was being incredibly calm about all of this.

"Is there another kind of married?" Alice asked, with a grin.

"Are you kidding me?! Bella you are far too young! Do you want to end up like your mother and I?" Charlie yelled. I couldn't believe how he was acting. I was almost positive I saw his finger skimming across the handle of his gun.

"Charlie's right!" I started, "I can't believe Edward would even think about marrying Bella!"

"Excuse me?" Charlie asked, as if the wind had been knocked out of him.

"Well, no offense officer, but I think Edward can do a bit better."

"Well, no offense, Miss Hale, but I think Edward is lucky to have my Bella."

"If that's what you think… It will be over my dead body before they get married."

"Oh, they _will_ be getting married! If it's the last thing I do." _Check…._

"Oooooooh!" Alice squealed. _And mate…_then, Charlie had known he'd been beaten. He slowly sank back down onto the couch between Carlisle and Esme. Esme began petting his thinning hair comfortingly.

"I- I- I- just can't see how you two can be so calm about this…" Charlie muttered into his hands.

"Think about it this way Charlie, they love each other, and we love Bella, and you love… well, you love Alice. So… it will be like gaining another daughter." Esme said, smiling.

"I haven't thought of it that way…" Charlie said lifting his head and looking at Alice. The next thing I knew, he was picking Alice up into a big hug. "I can't wait!"

"Charlie… just keep in mind that I'm not the one marrying Bella, I really don't swing that way." Alice peeped in.

"So- Dad you're okay with this?" Bella asked, peeking out from behind Edward.

"Well, as long as you both go through the pre marital couple's therapy camp, sure," Charlie said nonchalantly. I couldn't help but scoff at the whole situation. I could already see Edward at some little dorky camp with a bunch of humans, learning the proper way to be a husband.

"What? Oh, Carlisle, I don't think I need marriage counseling, really," Edward said, looking at Carlisle –almost praying he would bale him out.

"Actually," Carlisle said, "I think that is a fantastic idea."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Dad, I think this is highly unnecessary," Bella said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Aw… Edward, I think it's a great idea," I said, giving him a sickeningly sweet smile, "I bet you'll have _so much fun, _make sure you write us letters to tell us all about it."

"Well, I'm sure you'll know all about their fun Rosalie, because you'll be there too," Carlisle said, grinning.

"WHAT?!" _Oh no- no- no- no- no. No. No way. Carlisle was either crazy or… no. He was just crazy_. "Carlisle you're out of your mind, there is no way that I need marriage counseling."

"I think it's a great idea." Edward said smiling. "Since we all planned on getting married together, we might as well do this too."

"Exactly. Alice and Jasper can go too."

"Do we have to?" Jasper sighed.

"Yes." Esme said, putting her arm on Carlisle shoulder.

"So- wait. You're all getting married?" Charlie asked, obviously confused by the turn of events. "I thought Rosalie and Emmett were already married."

"They are, but they want to do this with Alice, Jasper, Bella, and Edward," Esme grinned.

"Oh…"

I could definitely tell that Charlie wasn't exactly with the rest of us. He just… didn't get it, but then again, who could blame him? He definitely wasn't really in the know how with everything. I looked over at Alice. The poor girl had her head in her hands just shaking it back and forth. If I listened carefully, I heard her softly saying "No, no, no… how could I have not seen this coming?"

"Carlisle, Esme, I think I'm going to head home, give a few people a call… maybe take a nap."

"We'll walk you out." Carlisle said, leading Charlie out, and being followed by Esme.

I looked over at Emmett, who had been quiet the entire time.

"Well, Emmett… you just had to get him arrested didn't you?" I said, slapping his arm.

"I'm actually really excited. I mean, when else am I going to get to talk to someone about you, who doesn't see you and immediately agree with everything you say?"


	3. Off to Camp

_AN: My little lovelies I swear I have not forgotten about you. I have been having troubles with my laptop and have been unable to do a single thing. I feel terrible and I hope you will all forgive me after you read this chapter __J_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, nor any of the characters within it._

_Bella's POV_

Going to the Cullen House was like going home. Well, to my second home in Forks anyway, and in a few weeks, I would be able to call it my home and everyone inside it, family. Unfortunately, before that could happen, Charlie and Carlisle had insisted that all of us take this little "camping trip" of premarital counseling. Really, it had been a sort of "come back" to Edward, Emmett, and Jasper locking up Carlisle in jail- but then Charlie began to think it was a really good idea.

"You will get to see the real idea about what its like to be with someone forever, Bells" he had told me. Of course, he didn't understand that I was taking "forever" for its literal meaning, but that- would definitely have to be a discussion for another day. All I could hope was that there wasn't a "pre-vampire counseling camping trip".

I was waiting for Edward to pick me up. He didn't spend the night like he usually did, because he wanted to keep an eye on Carlisle to make sure he didn't try to schedule any unneeded events, like the ones Charlie had shown us in the pamphlet. I shuddered as I thought back to the "Getting to Know your Future Husband Fishing Time".

"Are you about ready? Edward should be here any min-" His sentence was cut off by a knock on our front door. All of a sudden my heart started fluttering and I felt as anxious as the very first day he had picked me up for school. I prayed that after I was turned, that I would be able to stop doing things like that. I listened closely, with my ear pressed to the door, for any information I could hear.

"Hello Charlie, is Bella ready to go?" I heard a deep, smooth voice ask. _Yummy._

"Morning Edward- she's still upstairs, is everyone ready for a weekend of pre-marital fun?" Charlie asked. I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was loving every moment of this.

"Oh you know them, Alice already has everything packed."

Charlie was laughing, then I heard the television flip on and the inaudible sound of what I thought could have been a basketball game. My door opened, which sent me sprawling towards the ground. When I looked up, I saw Edward with an apologetic grin on his face. "Good morning sunshine. You know, I thought you would have gotten past this whole fainting when you see me thing."

"I didn't know you were opening the door Edward. I was waiting to hear the footsteps, guess I forgot that my boyfriend flutters like a butterfly," I said standing up.

"Yes, and your _fiancé_ also stings like a bee when he wants to. Still though, Bella, it isn't polite to listen in on other people's conversations," he whispered into my ear.

"Yes, because listening in on people's thoughts is much more polite," I shot back at him smiling. Since I had packed last night, I was ready to go. All I had to do was grab my overnight bag and we could be on our merry little way.

"You won't be needing that," Edward told me, as he pulled the small bag from my arms and set it back on my bed.

"Well, unless you want me running around naked- I will," I said, trying to pull it away from him.

"Of course I don't want you running around naked, Bella. We're going to be on a trip that is coordinated by Mr. and Mrs. Newton, which means there is a safe bet that little pug-nosed Mike will be there, and we can't have that little pervert ogling your goodies when I can't, now can we? Besides, Alice packed for you."

"Alice packed for me? My clothes were all here though, I checked- and what do you mean you can't? As far as I know its by your own choice that you don't… ogle at my goodies," I stammered, "if it were up to me, you would have… done that many times before now!"

"She bought everyone new clothes for the trip." He was changing the subject, the little worm. Well, I was definitely going to try and get him back on that topic at some point during the weekend. I finally let go of the bag, and he turned me towards the door.

"Alright kids, be careful and have fun- but not too much fun. Speaking of which… I need to talk to you-"

"Have to go Dad, love you, bye!" I said pulling Edward out the door and towards the silver Volvo parked in the driveway.

"You know, Bella, your dad was really going to try to talk to us about sex. Maybe you should go back in there and listen to him. I could always tell him how you try to jump at me every time I kiss you…" he threatened.

"You wouldn't, and I had enough of that last week with your parents, thank you very much."

The ride to his house was uneventful. He turned the radio on, I switched the station, he switched it back, so I turned it off. It was a vicious cycle. As we pulled into the Cullen's driveway, I saw a delivery truck pulling out. When I saw Edward shaking his head, I tried to prepare myself for the worst. Of course, when the Cullen's yard came into view, it was much better than that. Think "Bass Pro Shop" camping section. Right smack in the middle of the Cullen's front yard. Alice had lined up every tent, appliance, sleeping bag, jacket, quilt, and anything else you could think of in little isles, and she was walking down the second one with a shopping cart.

"Oh! Bella, I knew you would be here soon so I'm doing yours now! I've already shopped for everyone else," Alice said smiling brightly.

Near the cars I saw Rosalie and Emmett standing next to a load of luggage that would be enough to take a months trip. In the back, there were three tents already set up and ready to be used. What on earth was going on?

"Alice, what are you doing? I told you that you will only need your clothes and necessities. You will be sleeping in cabins. Cabins that already have beds built into them! There is a mess hall were you will pretend to eat, so you can put that fire stove away," Carlisle yelled from the second floor window.

Alice looked up at him, "These are necessities Carlisle. What if our cabin roof leaks? Or what if one collapses? Or what if Bella gets hungry and they refuse to feed her because it isn't time to eat yet? Are you going to deprive her of food and let her slowly starve?"

She looked over at me and winked. Carlisle however did not look as pleased. "Alice Cullen! None of those cabins better collapse, or I will take away your credit card privileges for an entire month, do you hear me? And only two suitcases per person. You are not going away for a month- and you do not need that dress I saw you stash away in there. You will be in the woods. With other humans. Humans do not go camping in Armani dresses!"

"Some humans do!" she argued.

"No they do not." Carlisle said before closing the window.

"Yes they do," she whispered, once again winking at me like I was part of the plan.

After about twenty minutes, Alice had finished her shopping for me, and drug me up to the bathroom, because apparently what I was wearing did not meet her standards for what a camper should look like. I thought I looked just fine, but of course- my "just fine" and Alice's "just fine" were two completely different things.

"Here put on these- oh! These too, they'll look great on you, trust me." It was like a whirlwind of clothes around me, and a lot of yanking and pulling on Alice's part to get my outfit off, and the one she had picked out for me on. As I stood to look at myself in the mirror, I couldn't help but laugh. I was wearing tan boots, that covered my new jeans up to my calves, a long sleeved flannel shirt, and a zip up jacket that matched the flannel shirt underneath. To top it all off, she put one of those rabbit fur lined hats on my head, and pinned the ear flaps up. I looked like a complete moron.

"Bella… what are you wearing?" Emmett asked when I stepped outside.

"I could ask you the same thing… what are you going for the cover of Outdoorsman magazine?" I laughed. Emmett was decked out. He reminded me of a mix between a logger and a hunter all rolled into one, with an axe to complete the ensemble. Apparently Alice had given everyone new 'camping outfits' to wear, because the rest of the family looked just as foolish as I did. All except Rosalie, who somehow managed to make her outfit look like it came right off of the red carpet.

"Let's go!" Jasper moaned, after putting away all of their luggage into his new car. I noticed that Rosalie and Emmett had opted out driving their new car, and were loading up Emmett's jeep.

"Oh- wait!" Alice said, her eyes opening wide. She was having a vision, I could tell, then she ran towards the house like a bat out of hell. She came back with an extra suitcase, that was padlocked shut. My eyes darted around, but everyone else looked just as confused as I did. Only Edward seemed entertained by her actions.

_Mr. Newton's POV_

"Is everything ready?" I asked my wife. I was still very nervous about the premarital counseling camp. It was our first time leading it, and we only got the job because the last couple who was doing it divorced. Not really the type of people who you would want teaching other people how to be married.

"Yes, Greg, Mike is just finishing up the male cabins now." My wife Julie said, coming around the corner with a plate full of rice crispy bars. She was really into this sort of thing, and I wondered whether or not it was because she would be able to find out who was getting married in town before anyone else knew. I loved my wife dearly, but the woman definitely loved her gossip.

"You know, I'm not sure about splitting the couples up. They're about to be married, don't you think that most of them have… you know, consummated the relationship before? Kate and Rich let them sleep together if they wanted," I said filling a glass full of water and placing it on the podium. I would need it later.

"Gregory! That is the precise reason that they are divorced!"

"By letting other couples sleep together?" I must have not heard her correctly. Either that, or I had missed something in the crash course of love.

"No-" she said, sounding agitated that I didn't understand. "Because they did not cherish the sacredness of marriage. I can not believe that you think all of these kids have slept together. I mean, look at our little Mike. Already graduated, and the little angel doesn't even have the slightest notion of sex."

I was stunned. Was my wife blind? She must have not been in "our little angel's" bedroom lately. Even I knew he had Playboys stuffed between his mattresses and condoms stashed in his drawer. I don't know if he's ever used them, God bless the girl if he had, but if he wasn't even thinking about sex, than I needed to teach my boy a thing or two about what he used as play toys.

"Right, of course, what was I thinking? Of course Mike has never thought about sex, even the mention of the word 'nipple' makes him blush…" I added sarcastically.

"Nipple?" I looked up and saw my son walk into the room.

Julie walked over to our son and placed her hands on his shoulders. "Now Mike, I want you to answer me honestly. Have you ever been… _intimate_ with a girl? You can tell me dear, its all very natural, I promise. Mommy just wants to know so that she can make sure her little boy knows all about protection."

I thought Mike was going to die. Lord knows if my mother had ever tried that on me I would have lied like a dog to get out of the situation.

"No, I-I mean, of course not. I'm…. saving myself until marriage just like you, Mom," Mike stammered

"Good, and I want you to tell me if any of those little girls in town try to pressure you into anything you don't want to do okay?"

"Yeah- sure." Then Mike was gone. I'm sure he was texting all of his little friends to make fun of his mother.

"Hello?" I heard from the doorway. Our first couple had just shown up.

About a half an hour later, the little lodging area had about seven couples sitting in the room. All wearing name tags, and looking not so eager to start the day off. I recognized Bella, who had worked for us for awhile, until she quit about a week ago, for some reason, sitting near the center. I gave her a little wave, which caused her to go about fifty shades of crimson.

"Alright, well, let's get started. My name is Greg Newton, and this is my wife Julie. We will be your councilors and leaders this weekend. I hope that you will all walk away from this camp understanding a little more about marriage and your partner. Since this is our first year, I hope that you can come to us with any ideas or suggestions that will help everything run more smoothly. Now, today all we are going to be doing is getting settled in. Men, your cabin's will be located towards the north end of the park area, ladies, yours is to the south. Each cabin will hold three people, so pick someone from your gender that you can get along with."

I saw eyes darting around the room looking for someone that they might know. The only ones who looked completely content were the Cullens, Hales, and Bella. Apparently they would be staying together, which really didn't surprise me. For the last few weeks, if you saw any one of them, the other five were trailing not to far away.

"And also, I will be taking each couple into my office and talking with you about your decisions to get married, any problems that you might have, and how we can work together to fix them. The first couple will be… Emmett and Rosalie? Then we will have a Jasper and Alice, then Bella and Edward… each session will take about an hour, so please be on time and waiting if you are next. There is a list over there on the table that will list off the rest of the times. Emmett and Rosalie? Will you meet me in my office? Thank you."

I saw Emmett rubbing his hands together and Rosalie looking irritated. This was definitely going to be interesting.

_AN2: Thanks again for being so understanding you guys, I'm hoping to have Emmett and Rosalie's counseling session up tomorrow sometime, but it depends on how feisty Emmett is being. I have a poll up, that I hope each of you will vote in. It would be extremely helpful._


	4. Radioactive Girlfriend?

_AN: Oh, don't hate me. I'm an awful little liar aren't I? Promising you all a new chapter then not delivering? What you must think! I'll try to make this one as funny as possible, but then again, it is Rosalie and Emmett, shouldn't be too hard._

_Mr. Newton's PoV_

I sat behind my desk rubbing my temples. There were so many people, and I hadn't enjoyed giving that speech one bit. Reminded me of Speech Class back in high school. Hell would have been the only way to describe it.

"Oh come on Rosie, this will be fun and exciting!" I heard a big booming voice say. Then I watched Emmett, the biggest of the Cullen kids, walk into my office and sit down like he owned the place. Not that I was going to tell him off, because guys who are built like me, do not argue with guys who are built like that. It was only when he picked up my Rubix cube, that I gave raised my eyebrow. From what I had heard from Mike, Emmett may have been the brawns of his family, but he definitely wasn't a brain.

"Yeah, fun my foot." I looked away from Emmett and saw Rosalie Hale, well, as far as I knew her and Emmett had already got hitched, _the lucky bastard_, and had spent some time touring Europe. She was by far the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. All that blonde hair, and her eyes, they were shining like two little pots of honey. At that point in time there was nothing more that I wanted to do then run my hands through her hair and -

"Yo, Doc, you want to stop staring at my wife's goodies long enough to close your mouth?"

I was broken from my trance, and noticed the two of them staring at me like I was a leper. I had obviously forgotten myself, and to think, staring at a girl who is barely twenty! My own son's age. I was a creep to think that way of someone half my own age, "Well, erm, lets get started. Now, as far as I know you two have been married for almost a year? How are things going? Anything that you want to talk about, work on, tell the other person?"

"Actually, Mr. Newton," Rosalie said lifting up her incredibly long legs and crossing them. I had no idea why she was wearing such ridiculous clothing, but I wasn't going to protest, she looked amazing. "My husband and I have the perfect marriage.-

_*Cough*_

She shot a look at her husband, "and unless you have any-

_*Cough*_

"-and unless you have any questions for us, I think this conversation is-

_*Cough*_

"Emmett! Would you knock it off?"

"Well, it seems that Mr. Cullen here has a different opinion on how this marriage is going," I said, practically in disbelief. God knows if I was married to woman who looked like that, I would happily sit back and agree with whatever she said.

"Yes, Rosalie, it seems that I have a different opinion on how this marriage is going," Emmett said sarcastically. I noticed he was having a hard time with the Rubix cube in his hand, and had I been a braver man, I might have told him to be a bit gentler with the toy.

"Oh Emmett, just drop it. We both know that you're just trying to make a scene," she said through her teeth.

"No I am not!" he said, spinning the top layer of the cube with a bit more force.

"You might want to take it easy on that-

"Hold on!" Emmett said, pointing a finger at me. "Just listen to what I have to say for a minute. I want someone to actually listen to me for once, without staring at my wife the whole time I'm talking. She is always getting the attention, while I am deemed the goof in the relationship."

Ah, so it comes out. The guy is jealous of his wife's attention. "So… what do you suggest?"

"Honestly, I think she should dress a bit more-

"See? All he ever thinks about is sex!" Rosalie said, rolling her eyes.

"That's not what I was going to say, Rose. "

"So, you think Rosalie here dresses to sexy?" I asked, bewildered.

"Excuse me!?" Rosalie said, her eyes narrowing at me.

"What on earth are you talking about?" Emmett asked- staring at me. I actually thought I heard an animal growl come out of the guys throat, but that's impossible. People do not growl. They yell.

"I- I only meant to…"

"Well you better stop. Now." Emmett said, he was glaring at me now.

"I apologize." _Oh my god. I was going to die. Goodbye cruel world…_

We sat there, in an awkward silence for a moment, before I noticed Emmett grinning. I felt a shiver run down my back.

"You're right."

"What?"

"WHAT!"

Rosalie and I were both staring at him with large eyes. Although, the girl was looking at him like she planned on tearing him limb from limb right here in my office.

"Emmett McCarty Cullen, you had best explain yourself right now!" Rosalie screamed at the top of her lungs.

"And you're bossy too." Emmett said. It seemed as if he was purposefully trying to get a rise out of her. I recognized the game. I had played it once with Mrs. Newton. I purposefully got her angry, and she told me to go sleep at the store. It was the best night of sleep I had in a long time. Maybe once this whole camp thing was over….

"Yeah, well all you want is sex," she shot back at him. It looked like these two were sparring with comebacks, and I had a feeling I would be playing referee.

"And you think you're the best thing since sliced bread!"

"I _am _the best thing since sliced bread!" she yelled.

"Oh- and she's conceited too!" He yelled at me, pointing at her.

"And you all you do is make jokes. He thinks he's a comedian!" Now, she was yelling at me too.

"I _know_ I'm a comedian. Bella always laughs at me!" he said in a sort of triumphant way.

This time I would have sworn she growled. "Don't you dare bring her up! I swear, I will make sure you never, ever again, laugh."

"Try it." He was daring her. Oh, my god how far could this go?

"Perhaps, we should sit back down…" I said. At once, they both looked at me, and I knew to shut up and sit down, or I would be next.

"Oh, I'm Emmett" Rosalie said, puffing up her chest and walking around like a body builder. "Ha ha ha, I'm so funny. Oh- what? No, I am a sex machine… Bam! Bam! Bam!"

My jaw dropped.

"And I'm Rosalie," Emmett joined in, raising his voice as best as he could to meet her pitch. He also puffed his chest out, to signify her… hers. "Oh, yes, I know I'm beautiful. What? No, I think I'm better than _everyone. _I'm the reason the sun comes up in the morning and the moon comes up at night. If I weren't alive, the world would surely be over."

"You're an idiotic imbecile. You know that right?" She screamed. "I should have bitten someone with half a brain!"

_Bitten? What was that supposed to mean?_

He looked like he'd been slapped. Whatever it meant, it was definitely a blow to his pride.

"You brazen hussy!" he yelled. He threw down the Rubix cube so hard, I watched it break apart and little colored squares went flying everywhere.

Then, the two of them just stood there, staring at each other. The silence reminded me of a calm just before the storm. I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take, or how far they would go.

Then- before I knew what was happening, Emmett walked over to her and kissed her. They began grasping at each other like they were each starving and the other was food. So much passion…. Then Emmett pushed Rosalie up against the wall of my office.

"Ahem…"

They both looked up, as if surprised to see me standing there.

"Well, I think our hour is just about over…" I said nervously.

"Thanks Doc, I think I can handle everything from here," Emmett said grinning at the girl.

"Oh I bet you can my Emmy Bear…" Rosalie seemed to purr.

They left me in my office standing there. I was too shocked for words. How on earth had they managed to pull that one off? Going from screaming at each other, to … being all over each other. Shaking my head slowly, trying to understand, I walked around picking up the pieces of my Rubix Cube. When I made it to the front of my desk, where Emmett had throw the thing, I saw a piece of it wedged into the wooden floor. I couldn't believe it. I bent down on my hands and knees to investigate more. The floor was pushed lower, and it seemed to be from the force of impact of the cube. I grabbed the piece in my hand and attempted to pull it out. The thing wouldn't even budge.

How strong was that Emmett guy? Last week a ten pound weight had fallen from my desk and didn't even make a dent in the floor, but this guy could stick a piece of plastic through it? A vision of superman played its way into my mind. Or maybe… a radioactive spider bit him?

"_I should have bitten someone with half a brain!"_

Or maybe, a radioactive girlfriend?

_AN2: Thanks for reading everyone. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as i enjoyed writing it. Please remember to review, it lets me know how well I'm doing and what you think. I wonder how things will progress with Mr. Newton's ideas on Emmett's strength and Rosalie's comment. :) You'll just have to see next chapter. If you have any ideas or suggestions let me know. _


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